November 18, 2019

“Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.”
(Sir Walter Scott)

Lying is such a challenge for adoptive and foster parents. It creates a tangled mess that causes parents and caregivers great concerns about their child's emerging morality, the integrity of the hard-fought parent-child connection, and the child's prospect for a successful future. Honesty is so foundational to strong relationships that it feels like our children are needlessly tying us in knots when they lie to us. No matter how many times we try to explain that we just want them to be honest with us and the lie just makes everything worse, our adopted and fostered children keep on with their obvious lies.

When I brought the matter of lying up to an expert in the field, she helped me reframe the underlying question of "How can you stop a child you love from lying?" to "How can you love a child that lies?" That was an important first step in adjusting my perspective. However, it is important for adopti...

March 28, 2017

The Olympic Games in Rio have unexpectedly brought the topic of adoption to the center stage of public discussions.  In case you missed it NBC Commentator Al Trautwig was ask

ed in a tweet to stop referring to the stunning gymnast Simone Biles' adoptive parents as her grandfather and his wife, and properly refer to them as simply "her parents".  He shot back a tweet stating, "they may be mom and dad, but they are not her REAL parents."  This insensitive reply set off a firestorm among adoptive parents who are unfortunately too often not thought of or referred to as "real" parents.  Journalist and adoptive mother Carrier Goldman adeptly addressed this affront to adoptive parents in her blog "Portrait of an Adoption", which can be read here http:/  In response to the pressure that followed, Trautwig was forced to rescind his tweet and NBS posted an apology.  Meantime, Simone kept her eye on the prize and her comments short and sweet, stating, "my...

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